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Leaving a narcissistic relationship is likely to be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Narcissists depend on their supply — the people they emotionally, financially, and psychologically drain. They need someone to abuse and manipulate to fulfill their needs and to constantly prove to themselves they are better, stronger, and smarter than everyone else.
Through the love bombingthe gaslightingand the constant battles, you'll already be exhausted, so leaving an abusive relationship with a narcissist is tough. But it is possible as long as you trust your gut and have firm boundariesand keep reminding yourself why you need to walk away. Here's what you need to know to make sure you can get out of the potentially dangerous situation, and what to do to finally leave the abusive narcissist behind forever.
It takes the average person seven times to leave an abusive relationship, said doctor of psychology and therapist Perpetua Neo, who runs Detox Your Heart. If the narcissist isn't ready for you to leave yet, they will probably turn on the waterworks and plead with you, telling you how sorry they are.
But Neo said you shouldn't risk giving them another chance to hurt you again. You shouldn't tell the narcissist you want to end the relationship right away, according to therapist Shannon Thomas, author of " Healing from Hidden Abuse. Sometimes all three. This is especially important if you are from a different country, as the abuser might hide your documents so you can't escape. Get ahold of anything you can, including proof of address, bank details, and anything else official. Either wait until they are out, or trick them by saying you need your documents to fill out an application, Neo said.
If you're thinking about leaving, make sure you set up your own bank. This might need to be done a little bit in advance, so you definitely have your own money. If they are a financial abuseryou will have to do this in secret so they don't cut you off entirely. You may not feel you want to escalate the situation to the police, but Neo said it's important to report what happened to you. If you don't want to get the legal system involved, you can talk to your doctor, she said. They might get you a referral to an anxiety service or depression service.
If you leave yourself logged in to any of the abuser's devices, they can track what you're doing, said Neo. So make a list of everything you think you've ed into, entered your card details into, or set up any auto-fills on, and periodically delete them all. Or if you log into your Kindle and it says this book was last read yesterday on somebody else's Mac, that means someone is tracking what you're reading. But you do have a choice. Remember that things can be better, and you deserve someone who doesn't play with your emotions.
Abusive narcissists want to cut you off from your family and friends, so you may not have seen some of the people who are closest to you for quite a long time. The narcissist may have turned you against them by spreading fear and How to get rid of a narcissist ex because they didn't want you spending time with anyone else. The important thing to remember is not to be embarrassed and scared of how they'll react to seeing you again, according to Neo. It takes a simple mind shift to realise it doesn't mean you were stupid, it just means you were tricked You can actually see it as an opportunity to cut out those people who were unhealthy to be around.
When How to get rid of a narcissist ex left, you may be tempted to go back when reality sets in. Our brains are good at making us remember all the good times and blocking out all the bad after a breakup, and leaving a narcissist is no different. So be aware these are all manipulations. You should be aware of something called the "drama triangle," she added, which is where someone flips between being a saviour I'm going to save youa persecutor you're so worthless, nobody will ever love youand a victim I need you to support me, without you I'm dead.
No matter how many chances you give a narcissist, the result will be the same. So keep this in mind, Thomas said. You can just give them away," Neo said. It's a lot about decluttering, and it's about what's representing you right now. It's important to ground yourself after a traumatic experience like an abusive relationship, because you may still be living the experience.
It's like PTSD, and this is what you have to work through, she added, otherwise it might feel like it's going to take over your whole life. If the narcissist is still pursuing you, you'll need something to help keep you strong. Neo said you should write down every bad thing they ever did to you, and keep it handy in your phone. Because when you see all these sob stories or these love s, all this oxytocin floods into your brain and you feel this warm fuzziness. But remember it's not real, she added, because by feeling empathy for your abuser, you forget to have empathy for yourself.
Read the list and think why you put up with it. You wouldn't stand for someone treating your loved ones so poorly, so why are you allowing anyone to put you through it? People can end up dating similar people over and over because of something called repetition compulsion. Essentially, it means trying to fix the trauma of your past with the present. If you suffered abuse, you may seek out abusive people to try How to get rid of a narcissist ex change them.
Or you may end up with people who treat you badly because it feels familiar. So it's vital you work through your pain before launching into another relationship, Neo said, because you might end up hurt again. Reclaim all those things that they stole away from you. When you've healed, you'll have a better idea of what you really need, and who you should be letting into your life. Then you'll be ready to find someone who truly deserves you. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. A leading-edge research How to get rid of a narcissist ex focused on digital transformation.
Lindsay Dodgson. Don't give them "one more chance. Don't tell them you're leaving. Make a copy of all your documents. Make sure you have spare cash. Report what's happened to you. Log out of everything. Check your devices for trackers. Don't believe their flattery. Reconnect with your friends and family.
Take it as an opportunity to cut out anyone else who's toxic. Don't just leave — stay away. Ignore the sob stories. Remind yourself that it's a rollercoaster. Throw away any gifts. Learn how to ground yourself. Make a list. Don't rush into anything. Narcissists personality traits Features.How to get rid of a narcissist ex
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17 steps to leaving an abusive relationship with a narcissist